v’ahavta l’reacha kamocha
if you are to love your neighbor as yourself, then you have to love yourself first. In other words, if you want to love your neighbor, loving yourself is a prerequisite.
Our sacred text teaches us that the way we love ourselves forms a blueprint for how we should love those around us. In which case, the question of how or if we love ourselves, uncomfortable though it may be, becomes worthy of conversation and thought. This seemingly simple teaching suggests that if we don’t love ourselves, then we are at sea as to how to love our neighbors.
Self-love can be a loaded topic. Both because it is a bit of a cliche and because loving oneself is complicated. Even if we can easily and readily say that we love ourselves, we know that self-love requires ongoing thought and care at best, and for many of us, the idea of loving ourselves is unfamiliar, and maybe even preposterous.
A pathway into this most important principle in the Torah
First, if self-love feels far away, or impossible, let’s start with self-knowledge. Self-knowledge means turning towards our full selves with a desire to truly see what’s there. What is challenging about this is that when we see parts of ourselves that we don’t like, our first instinct is to turn away. This is understandable. But the tricky truth is that avoiding difficulties doesn’t make them disappear… Like an ancient ailment that worsens without treatment, so too with our own internal challenges: try to ignore them and they grow; try to muffle them and they amplify. But turn towards them with honesty and patience and see what happens. This practice of turning towards is a way we can come to truly know ourselves.
Once we step into a sense of self-knowledge, the next phase is self-acceptance. As we encounter the parts of ourselves we do not like, let us also hold the awareness that we are created in God’s divine image… We are each created in our wholeness and our complexity. In the divine image. Our tradition teaches that our flaws and our darkness are holy too.
I am inspired to imagine a world where we begin to practice these steps. Self-knowledge leading to self-acceptance blossoming into self-love. On the path towards loving ourselves, our love for our neighbor will become that much brighter and deeper. We will have more strength and energy to work for justice, to see the divine spark in even those who may not look or act or think like us. And to create a community vibrating with peace. May we learn to love ourselves so that we may love our neighbor so that we may bring healing to the world.
v’ahavta l’reacha kamocha
